David Lovieponders on the public - and professional - image of Conservation Officers. NEWS FROM THE TREADMILL The other day in the office, a Conservation Officer Joke was being enjoyed by the Tea Club. One planner had been to a design seminar held on Red Nose Day, and had gleefully returned with this offering: "What's the difference between a Terrorist and a Conservation Officer?" "I don't know! What is the difference ?" ..... etc. "Well, you can negotiate with a Terrorist!" This drew simpering giggles from the oily juniors; careful chuckles from the career planners; explosive roars from the enterprise planners; and a polite, knowing smile from the CPO who must keep his embattled Planning Division, like Noah's Ark, on an even keel in the present troubled waters. No doubt it reminded them of the other old hoary Conservation Officer joke: "How many Conservation Officers does it take to change a light bulb?" "I dunno! How many Conservation Officers ..... etc?" "Two! One to change the light bulb and the other to tell you how much better the old one is!" I ask myself (and you), is this really how others see us, or have we really arrived? Well, what do you think? Have you heard or read anything A New Historic Buildings Administration System .. Dataway System's in conjunction with a number of Authorities have developed a computer system for the administration of Historic Buildings including: * Full (BAR) system compatibility * DOE Greenback listing * Owner / occupier details * Grant administration * Detailed survey information * Enforcements * Letters and reports For further details contact BUSINESS York House, London Road, Newbury, Berkshire, RG13 2LA Tel: 0635 49182 Fax: 0635 521099 CONTEXT 38 similar recently? Or even have you heard anything in our favour? One thing that particularly pleased me recently was a book dedication of Richard Muir, topographer and photographer. His 1982 book, The Lost Villages of Britain, was inscribed thus: To conservationists, the beleaguered standard-bearers of civilisation. That helped to restore my 'feel-good balance' once again. How about you? What recent bon mots have you gleaned? On the basis that Lionel Blue tells the best Jewish jokes, what Conservation Officer jokes or even supportive sayings have you got to share? I'm sure all Context readers would be delighted to hear them. RESTORE THE ELEGANCE OF YOUR GEORGIAN PORTICO 29
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